I have been thinking a lot lately about what has been happening for the last couple of years..
All of the things that have been going on that have changed the fabric of who I am..
It has been a lot harder to write lately.. and I really don’t know why. But I really like what Chris had to say.. that its easier to write in the beginning of recovery because everything is just so raw and so new.. I just wanted to write down everything that came to my mind. I had never seen or felt it before.
Now I always think that I have to have something so damn clever to write.
Well.. I had a great conversation with someone a couple of nights ago. This person is the closest person to my sobriety date that I know.. So she has gone through a lot of the same things at the same times that I have gone through.. and we have come to this conclusion.

The First Year was hanging on for dear life. Just trying to stay alive and not slip back in to the dark depths that is our disease. Meeting and learning from people that were around us. These were the people who were on the sinking ship also.. they were the ones that were on the life raft with us..

The Second Year.. was a year of stabilization. A year of trying to get things in their right place.. and really get things that much more stable and solid.

The Third Year.. we think is going to be about getting the life that we had maybe once had… maybe seeing a lot of things that were in our old life… in a new light. Maybe even seeing some of these things that we once loved in a new light..
I don’t know.. this is just my own opinion…

Sometimes I have these little expances of time when I think that I might be able to go out there again.. and see what the drinking and using world has for me.. these little flickers of my disease are really very short. Thanks to my higher power and some other examples.. I snap out of them quickly.
I heard about some people that have gone out recently.. and seen what the world had for them. Thank God for these people going out there and doing the research for me..
The stories are littered with pain.. anger.. and arrests. Not just little arrests.. but major major arrests.. that will lead to years and years in jail. Basically lives that have been destroyed because of the reemergence of this cunning and baffling disease..
So very glad that I havent gone out like that… I have gone out before, but I knew that I was totally screwed when I was out too far. I knew when I had to reel it back in. If I wouldnt of dont that, I know that I would be in jail or I would be dead.

Glad that I am not dead.. and that I am here on a Sunday. Writing to you all..